ERNIE'S SCREENPLAYS

OVERTURNED - Excerpt

                                                 OVERTURNED

          INT. SCHOOL BUS - MOUNTAIN ROAD - NIGHT

         The school bus starts the slow climb to the highest point on

         Mountain Road.  A thick layer of clouds suddenly surrounds

         the bus.  Nick slows down to ten miles an hour.

         As he reaches the crest, Nick checks the brakes and the pedal

         slams hard to the floorboards.

         The bus is well on its way downhill.  Nick pumps the brakes

         but the bus continues to pick up speed fast.

         Forty... forty-five... fifty miles an hour.

         There's pandemonium inside the school bus.

                                          COACH

                                   (YELLING to Nick)

                         What's wrong?

                                          NICK

                                  (YELLING Back)

                         I've got no brakes.

         Fifty-five... Sixty... seventy miles an hour.

         Nick pulls hard on the emergency brake but it snaps.

         Severty-five... eighty... miles an hour.

         Nick shuts off the engine. Thesolid wall of granite stares

         him in the face at less than a hundred feet in front of the

         bus.

         Everyone braces for a crash.

                                            COACH

                                 (YELLING To Everyone)

                         Brace yourselves.

         Eighty-five... ninety miles an hour.

         Nick steers the bus into the left lane and turns slowly

         towards the right.  At the last second he turns the wheel

         sharply to the left.

         The bus flips to the right and the exposed tires slam hard

         against the wall of granite.

         The tires explode and catapult the bus across the road and

         over the guardrail.

         INT. THE SCHOOL BUS - LATER - NIGHT

         Tony comes to and lets out a deep GROAN.  He gently

         touches the side of his head.

                                            TONY

                         Oh man, what did I hit?

         Tony touches the large knot on the side of his head.

                                            TONY

                         Oh God that hurts.

         Tony removes his hand quickly.

                                             TONY

                         Oh my God, what have we been through?

                                         (YELLING)

                         Can anyone hear me?

         Tony waits for a response.

                                             TONY

                          Don't tell me I'm the only one alive.

         Tony tries to sit up.  A seat lies on top of his legs.  Glass covers     

         his legs and stomach.  Blood trickles down the sides of his face.

                                             TONY

                          Dad!  Dad, can you hear me?

         Tony feels around slowly in the dark and finds bodies on both

         sides of him and someone's head between his feet.  He moves

         the seat off his legs and slides it as slowly as he can.  He then

         tries to slide himself up against the side of the bus.

Love your enthusiasm

04:47, 2006-Aug-29 .. Posted by WhenLightningStrikes

Robert T here (or WhenLightningStrikes).

Your verve to jump right in is great. Your logline sounds a bit confusing so far. Bus load of rival hoopsters gets lost (a la Bermuda Triangle?) and while the rest of the rivalry awaits, the netters have to survive an ordeal. OK.

Like I said to Dan, will try and get to your pages but I'm backed up two scripts already.

Suggestion: Rewrite the logline as if you'd said it a hundred times to a hundred people in the same room. I mean, just say what's it's about as quickly as possible. Don't hinder hooking a reader with statistics or too much detail. Good luck.