Up and Coming Screenwriter

In Need Of Some Feedback!!!

Untitled Comment

11:44, 2009-Jul-7 .. Posted by Jes

Two quick thoughts:
1) the violence may be in the past in your timeline, but your audience will experience it when you say so. Also, since someone is having a flashback, a character is experiencing it when you say so. Map out carefully where you want to ratchet up the tension.
2) violence doesn't leave us. Its effects should be evident in your character's behavior. They might be shy or retiring, defensive or volatile. They might avoid certain places or situations. Involuntary behavior should be dropped in to create a WTF moment, and then explained through context (better to creep out than get expositive).

Since you have flashbacks in the first half and real-time violence in the second half, it's a golden opportunity to structure your presentation. Is there anything else that can be turned on its head in the second half? For instance, I'm working on a screenplay where flashbacks to someone telling a folktale helps structure the story. In the first half, I use present time events to trigger flashbacks. But, in the second half, the remembered story (V.O.) becomes a narrative of the present to bring out underlying meanings that draw the timelines together. To do that, I had to draw three columns of outline to figure out when the layers come together in a linear narrative. The resulting map frees me to work with voice and nuance instead of always worrying about getting lost or wasting opportunities.

Does that help?